-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- I once stayed at a youth hostel in Copenhagen called Sleep in Heaven . Which sounds quite pleasant until you realize that , apparently , heaven is cold and damp and completely infested with bedbugs .

I guess that 's the part they do n't tell you in Sunday school .

`` No , no . It 's great . Nothing to worry about . Beautiful white robes . Big puffy clouds . Probably a salad bar . ''

But there were none of those . Just bed bugs .

Something was rotten in the state of Denmark .

The next day , bitten and disgusted , I literally ran to catch a train to Berlin and have n't had pleasant thoughts about that country since .

This was back in 2003 . The tortured memories persist and still haunt my dreams .

Which is why , the other day , almost eleven years later , I was delighted to learn that the United States finally invaded Denmark , set it on fire , and raised the American flag .

Sort of .

Here 's what happened .

There 's a wildly popular computer game called `` Minecraft '' where , as best I understand it , players build highly imaginative environments and constructions using 3D cubes . It 's sort of like a modern , digital-version of Lego , but without the risk of waking up the neighbors when you step barefoot on a wayward block .

`` Harold , I think Paul next door is constipated again . ''

`` Mark it on the chart , Diane . ''

Now , I 've never actually played this game because I 'm a grown man with far more important things to do like tweeting and running my pretend fantasy football sports dynasty .

So , to the millions of fine people who play `` Minecraft , '' I sincerely apologize for oversimplifying your beloved game . It 's all just too complicated , for I have six functioning brain cells , and five of them are dedicated to breathing and blinking .

But , from what I can tell , part of the fun in `` Minecraft '' is creating these new virtual worlds and exploring those of others . And it 's also a way to re-imagine worlds that already exist .

So , the Danish government sanctioned the creation of a replica version of their country within `` Minecraft '' to use as a progressive teaching tool for schoolchildren , educating them about Denmark 's geography .

Really , it was a wonderfully creative and virtuous idea .

Thus , cyber vandals promptly decided to blow it up .

Somehow , these vandals were able to infiltrate virtual Denmark while sneaking in virtual dynamite , at which point they virtually demolished parts of virtual Copenhagen .

What 's interesting is that the use of this virtual dynamite was actually banned on the Danish server . But the ever-cunning vandals discovered they could sneak it in inside a virtual mining cart .

Which is both amazing and ridiculous . . that it should come to this .

But through their virtual sneak attack invasion , the vandals proudly constructed virtual American flags all over town , and built virtual signs reading : AMERICA .

-LRB- Forgive me for a moment as I cue some Lee Greenwood and dab these red , white , and blue tears of pride rolling down my cheeks . -RRB-

Initially , it was believed that the virtual damage was virtually catostraphic and virtually widespread . However , Chris Hammeken , an actual spokesperson from the Danish Geodata Agency , explained to the BBC , `` Only a minor area was destroyed . ''

There was no official word on whether or not a virtual Sleep In Heaven youth hostel was annihilated in the process .

I guess a man can dream .

Though the Danish Geodata Agency was quickly able to fully `` repair '' the `` destruction , '' there was no fixing the psychological damage . Soon after the attack , images appeared on a `` Minecraft '' forum , and Denmark 's defeat had officially gone public . And viral .

Now , understand that I 'm not an outwardly patriotic individual . But , despite the fact that -- all kidding aside -- Denmark really is a beautiful country with incredibly happy , intelligent , and peaceful citizens , I have to admit that , upon reading about this I felt a rather large twinge of U.S.A. pride .

The whole thing was just so absurd and wonderfully American .

Oh , that it should come to this .

Follow @JarrettBellini on Twitter .

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A virtual version of Denmark was created in the `` Minecraft '' game

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`` Cyber vandals '' snuck into virtual Denmark , set off virtual dynamite and raised U.S. flags

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Virtual Denmark has since been repaired